Taking Risks

My entire life changed within one day.

Most things in our life aren’t meant to be permanent— not meant to last. The places you live, people you meet, jobs you work. We go into things knowing this, knowing that one day we’ll be somewhere else. So why do we start in the first place? If we know it’s not our final destination. Because it’s from the experiences that we learn and grow and figure out who we are… we are all just finding our purpose in this life of ours.

I think about the choices I have made in the life I have lived so far. Small choices like what will I have for breakfast today, or what playlist to listen to as I drive to work. Bigger choices that may follow me in the future like what college to attend to, or what friends I choose to surround myself with. All in all, I am where I am now because of those choices I have made, whether they were small or big choices.

From just one choice, my entire life changed in one day. The place that I lived. The people I surrounded myself with. The job that I worked.

After having a great season for FGCU, I decided to take my extra year of eligibility and continue in grad school. I truly never wanted to take that extra year if I am being honest. I thought that my life wouldn’t begin until I was done with college. College was so comfortable. Everything there was laid out for me. It was safe.

It was not even a month into grad school where I got a call from my agent. I had to be in Portugal in two days before the January signing window closed. It was the hardest and easiest decision of my life. There was just no way I could pass this opportunity.

I had to leave the place I called home, where everything and everyone I knew was. Months later here I am, in my apartment in Portugal. There are days where I wish I was back in college. I miss it. But I was always going to leave, whether it may have been in January or at the end of this year.

I think about it all the time, how my life will never be the same. I will never be able to go back to college and live in a dorm with my teammates. I will never be able to rush to class after practice just to run to the beach as soon as the clock hit 1:15. I will never be able to go to our college bar and dance with my teammates. It frightens me. The life that I once had is now and will forever be a memory. And sometimes I think I will be trying to chase that life like I will somehow find it again. But the truth is, that life is gone, and all I can do is move forward. Growing up is a sad thing, but it is also beautiful.

It’s okay to reminisce the past, everyone does it. But you can’t get stuck in it. We were put in this life to experience every stage in life. We are destined to grow up and get thrown into the big world. That’s life!

With that being said, as I threw myself into the “big world”, I have tried to take each day to reflect on how grateful I am for these opportunities. I have been away from familiar faces, family, and friends for six months. Most may think I’m getting crazy (they might be right), but these six months have been the best thing to ever happen to me... and I’m not talking about my career. I have had the chance to give myself the time that I have never given myself before… to figure out who I am, what I like, what I don’t like, etc. I found out I enjoy writing, more than I ever did. I found out that it’s okay to be alone, whether it may be on a Saturday night, or just alone in general, holding off on any relationships. I finally feel free. I feel me.